Toward night on September 2, 2010 I knew that I was contracting fairly consistently, but in order not to get too anxious or excited, I ignored the contractions and went about my typical nighttime duties. Sid came home a bit early that night, that’s always nice.
When we went to bed I felt the contractions continue, but I knew if it really was labor, while my contractions were still mild, now was the time to rest. I got up to go the bathroom and came back to bed, still contracting, this could be it! With one of the stronger contractions I felt something like a rubber band snap deep inside me, it reminded me a lot of when my water had broken just before June was born . . . hmmmm. I told Sid what I felt and then got up to try to figure out if it was my water bag. No leakage. But when I turned to get back into bed, a little leakage occurred! That was when I knew I must be in early labor!
Sid scrambled up out of bed, ignored the fact that he had a broken fibula and got the birth pool ready to be birthed in. We had everything set up in the library, the most tranquil room in our home. The birth pool was situated in front of our large fireplace. From it I had wonderful views out our large windows and behind the pool we set up the couch for my immediate postpartum time. Sid did so much work that night, so quickly, it was heroic.
We called Sue, my midwife to let her know what was up and she assured me she was going back to bed on her sofa, in her clothes waiting for me to tell her to come. Since confirming that my water had broken, my contractions had slowed and I was no longer sure this would be the night that my baby would be born. So I paced the house as Sid continued with the preparations. My contractions returned, slowly but surely.
With all the bustling around the house, the children had been roused from their slumber. I went in to where they were sleeping, so excited to deliver the news that my water had broken. We had been talking about the signs of early labor, because the kids wanted to know as much as possible, when to expect their newest sibling to join us in the world outside my womb. They were sooooo excited they all got out of bed and wiled the next couple of hours away watching Leave it to Beaver Season 1 on Netflix.
When I’d had a couple of fairly strong contractions, I did as Sue had instructed me and called her. She came. As Sue prepared her stuff, and her assistants arrived and prepared some wonderful things for my postpartum time, I continued to meander around the house. Soon after that, Sue checked me and found me to be around 3 or 4 centimeters dilated. She assured me that I would not be checked again. Since I had a while to go, I moseyed on padding around the house. I didn’t look at the clock at all throughout my labor. Sid went back to bed to get a bit of rest for the long hours we had ahead of us.
This was a very pleasant time for me, I walked from room to room, visiting Sue, Lindsey and Courtney in the library, then visiting with the kids in the living room. When my anxiety level rose, I would waddle to my bedroom to be alone, pray (“Bless my birth, Lord”) and relax. Throughout the house, wherever a contraction struck, there I would stop and try to open up, visualizing my body letting the baby out.
Sue watched me and I felt that she could see into me because she knew that I was at a point when the water would feel so good, and at the same time, that I was dilated enough, without having to check me, so that the water most likely wouldn’t stall my labor. Time to get Sid out of bed to help fill the birth pool with warm water.
I stripped down to my bathing suit top and stepped into the water, I gave the reflexive, “Aaahhhhh,” and felt my body loosen and melt into the water. My contractions were mild enough for me to enjoy company in the pool, so Junie got her bathing suit on and splashed around in the water with me! She snuggled me, jumped around, talked to me and asked me why I kept going to sleep! “Why you go sleep?” I was bowing my head and closing my eyes with my contractions. I tried to explain the function of the uterus, but she continued to ask why I was going to sleep, so I resolved to let her know whenever I was about to go to sleep and then when the contraction had passed I would declare that I was awake. It was fun.
We hadn’t planned it, but the fire had to be lit to warm the room for the baby’s arrival. That fire was a wonderful accompaniment to my labor. I loved warming my face by it and also staring into it as I prayed my way through the passing minutes. “Bless my birth, Lord.”
The nights leading up to my labor had been fraught with anxiety, I worried about the pain of labor, the children during labor, the baby, and so on. I had no time to worry or work through worries during my busy days, so even though I was not overly focused on potential negative outcomes, anxiety arose in the darkness and quietude of the nights. Because of this, each daybreak I was awake for was significant, it brought light, warmth, hope and peace. As I labored through the night, and especially as I labored in the water and things began to intensify, I looked forward to the break of day and the peace it would bring. It would be a new day full of sunlight and in my arms would be my baby child, the one whom I’d been waiting for, the one whose soul I had been dreaming of and praying for for so long! Four children and one partner in the joy of it all, sharing our big bed, snuggling our way through this time of transition and adjustment, wonderful day!
I was on my knees in the water during my contractions, thinking that gravity would help the baby out. When the contractions passed, I would relax back on my bum. When I was really needing to focus to get through my contractions, Sid and Sue picked up on it and lovingly urged Junie out of the water. She was sleepy and reluctantly and a little bit sadly, she got out.
Day broke! It was lovely to get the early morning light shining in on us.
Soon, I was working hard to get through each contraction, still praying and trying to visualize my body opening, opening, opening. Sue suggested I feel to see if the head was presenting yet. I was really stoked to be the one feeling! I hadn’t been encouraged to do that in any of my other labors. When I felt, I could tell that there was still tissue between my fingers and the baby’s head. After a few more really, super duper, crazy strong, pushing-type contractions, Sue suggested I try a different position and lean back onto my bum. I did and she urged me to feel again, to see if I could feel the baby’s head. I felt again that tissue was mostly covering the baby’s head, but I could feel the edge of the tissue (my cervix) and could have slid it out of the way! The subsequent contractions had me out of my mind, it was hard, so hard, I was working so hard and really needing it to be over. Oh man.
I pushed and screamed with these contractions, after each one feeling discouraged that I was going to have to survive another. But at least I knew I was getting really, really close. By this time, sunlight was shining down on the water and reflecting, flashing on my face. I liked that a lot. The loveliness pervaded my exceedingly challenging situation.
Not soon enough the baby’s head emerged! Even though I knew from my other births that I was supposed to wait for the next contraction to push out the body, I went a little nuts and in a millisecond decided there couldn’t be one more contraction, I wouldn’t have it, and I pushed again, hard, right then and out came my baby! Sue instantaneously guided my baby into my hands. The head was in my left hand and my right hand cupped the bum, so that my middle and ring fingers were nestled into a soft and cozy scrotum! So I exclaimed, “Balls! . . . It’s a boy!!” We all yelled our hoorays!! I was thrilled to give my Jonny a brother, I told him while I was pregnant that I tried to give him a brother and I hoped so much that I would. What a great thing to look at your son, who wants a brother so much, and say, “You have a brother!!” I was in transports of delight!!
Holding those new little beings is just too much, really, I just stared at him, trying to grasp it all. I had so much to say to him and I said it, and I relished his cries, his first verbal communications!! I would set the precedent then and there and RESPOND. I kissed him over and over and explored his face and every millimeter of his little body. He was soon dubbed Sid Indy Stankovits, to be called Indy. The kids gathered to look at him. June had slept through the birth, which I consider such a blessing since I was screaming. She had been awakened and joined us now in welcoming and staring at her new baby brother. We had all so looked forward to this day, and here it was!
Soon I got out of the pool to snuggle Indy more and nurse him and try as I may, I could not comprehend his beauty nor his presence. So I marveled. Once again I am expanded, transformed. A different woman than I was the day before.
