Well, I stopped importing this blog to facebook last night, and I feel such relief knowing that ONLY people who actually log on here will see what I have to share. It won’t go into that crazy news feed that I don’t know how I feel about most of the time (when I see my stuff on there). I didn’t realize how that import setting was hindering my adding new posts here. So cool that I feel more free with this privacy.
That said, without further ado, I present to you, dear committed reader, a dream I had while pregnant with Indy. Before I knew he was a boy, as his birth was approaching. I journaled it and here is what I wrote:
The other night I had a dream, it was so, so, so great!
I dreamt that I awoke with a beautiful baby boy by my side. I was elated and I picked him up immediately and nuzzled him! He was wearing a blue suit and he had a large head, a bit of eczema on his face and he was PERFECT! As I pondered, I realized I couldn’t remember my labor at all, I had slept through the whole thing! I asked Sid, “What was the labor like? I can’t remember anything.” He told me. “It was great, the midwives decided they aren’t even going to charge you, they had so little work to do, it was their pleasure. They were actually asking you questions about birth.” Ha! Next I remember thinking, “Oh man, the baby and I both just slept for hours, he must be starving!” So I began to nurse him and he was chomping like an animal and my breast just flooded his little mouth with milk and it was dripping all over the couch, I put napkins below to catch the overflow. I was ecstatic to see my body, once again, rise to the occasion of providing more than enough of that most wonderful food for yet another of the most precious people in my life, ever. For some reason there has been a worry in the back of my mind, “Just what if I don’t produce enough milk, or I face some other breastfeeding challenge?” I have such strong and beautiful imagery to ponder from this dream, Thank you Lord!
When I awoke and remembered the dream I laughed a joyful laugh, rejoicing that my brain (or God, maybe) is giving me such positive thoughts about my soon coming birth and breastfeeding. It can be crazy when I really think about going through labor again and starting all over nursing a new baby. Regarding labor, I want it, and I don’t really want to sleep through it. I want to experience the overwhelming intensity because it is completely transforming and grants such abundant gifts. So it’s hard when I realize the way labor is designed to be, and I realize that I actually want it to be exactly that way and that I’ll just have to take it moment by moment in all its overwhelmingness. It almost seems that it would be easier on my mind to wish to avoid it, but I do not wish to because the agony increases the relief and the joy that follows and makes the experience what I think God designed it to be for most mothers and babies. I guess this means that the best thing to do is to resign to it and I think I’m as ready to do that as any woman has been. Maybe? We shall see. How ever it goes, it is so way far beyond worth whatever it may be like, to get to the next step: my baby in my arms, on my chest.
You know what’s crazy? When Indy was, maybe a couple of months old, I was sitting with him on our couch, and I began to nurse him, he was wearing a blue suit and my milk was over-abundant! It began to drip onto the couch and I asked Sid for something to soak it up with. He handed me a napkin and I was just like, “Oh my gosh! This is exactly like that dream I had!!” The only difference had to do with Indy being so much more handsome than he was in my dream, no eczema on his face and a tidy little round head. Wow.
I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he’s five months old today =)
