Monthly Archives: November 2008

mothering my thoughts

Unbiased Observer

November 26, 2008 – 9:08 pm

Jonny has a class that mixes Ancient History with Art and it takes place at the Huntington Beach Library. This has become a favorite place of mine. The architecture is transcendent! I can’t think how else to express it. Water fountains everywhere, openness, reading decks, books, huge windows, indoor planters, a spiral ramp connecting the levels, sort of heavenly in my perception. Richard Neutra is the man!

I meet the greatest people there, too. One day a well-groomed, white haired, elderly gentleman came and sat at a table next to the table my girls and I were at. I could feel him watching us and imagined that he was enjoying memories of the little children of his past. He kept watching and I’d give him a smile here and there. 

After several minutes of observing us, he told me that he thinks June will be an early talker. I told him that I think he’s right since she’s always babbling long paragraphs to me as if I can understand. I don’t remember how it was woven into our conversation, but at some point he said, “Well, I don’t know if anyone has ever told you, but you are very warm and expressive.” That statement went deep, fast, filled me with, oh I don’t know what . . . Joy? Color and light? Pride? Sparkle and radiance? Gratification? Self-worth, perhaps. Anyway, I hoped that we could continue to talk. The girls distracted me almost constantly, so conversation was challenging. But I did get to share with him some pieces of my philosophy of mothering, with a special focus on my babies. This is one of my favorite things to do and he was interested, kind and a good listener. Such a pleasant encounter.

I believe I’ll forever hold dear those words, ” . . . You are very warm and expressive.” I can’t think of a compliment I could appreciate more and that it came from an unbiased observer, well it makes me believe it! 

It is my wish and prayer for everyone who reads this (as well as everyone who doesn’t) that God will send an unbiased observer into your routine to point out some piece of your beauty, your true self, to you. And as you accept and absorb that information, realize it as a glimpse of the whole, perfect, radiant being that God created you to be, that you already are. Let it fill you with the perception of God’s thorough love for you so that you are no longer emotionally starved, but well-fed, fattened even! So that you can share the same gift with others, as an unbiased observer of their radiance.

And I should mention that my unbiased observer was right about June! She has quite a vocabulary now, at 18 months, and it is growing everyday.

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home education home life mothering my thoughts

My answers to questions regarding homeschooling

November 21, 2008 – 1:07 am

An old friend recently sent me some questions about homeschooling, here is my response:

 

I like these questions, so don’t worry about asking so many!  

 

I started Jonny with a K curriculum when he was 4 1/2.  We spread it out over two years.  This year we’re doing 1st grade work with him and pre-K/K work with Aveline.  I do enjoy it, especially when my head’s in the right place and the house is somewhat in order.  

 

I decided to do it because after raising Jonny attachment-style since his birth I did not want to put him into someone else’s care for so many hours of our lives.  I would miss him so much!  K would have been alright due to the shorter hours, but I didn’t want to send him then, only to bring him home for 1st grade when the hours lengthen.  

 

As far as seeing benefits outweigh the sacrifice, I don’t know because I can’t imagine what my life would be like if Jonny did attend school ( I cannot imagine that it would be any “better” though it might be slightly easier to get the housework done).  I do love that his sister is his BFF and they can play together for so much of the day.  I love that I’m always near when they want or need anything.  I love that our lessons happen through all types of experiences, not just sitting down in a classroom.  I love that we discuss everything that comes into their little minds, that I’m the mediator rather than a teacher or their peers.  I love that we encounter ALL types of people in our weekly activities and that he’s learning to understand and socialize with all those types.  I love that we can go on vacations and take school with us and/or incorporate the places we visit into lessons.  I hope to later on enjoy the same type of amazing relationships I see homeschool parents share with their teenage children, with my own.  I love that even though Jonny’s reading is not up to par with typical 1st graders he doesn’t have to feel bad about it or inferior, I can explain to him that his brain is not ready to make certain connections and I can assure him, based on my minimal, yet reliable research, that it will click, and it will not be too late and we’ll move at his pace until then.  I love that when he shows interest in something, it can be elaborated on on the spot so that his intellectual curiosity is nurtured.  And that we can take it as far as his mind wants to.  I love that he can participate in classes during the week with his homeschooled cousins, one of which is taught by his qualified grandmother!

 

That said, it is very much work.  It is challenging on every level imaginable and some levels that I never imagined!  The littler children do make it trickier, and if Jonny was away some of the time, I could really focus on those little tricky ones and nurture our attachments.  For these reasons I am actively looking for options.  I am praying that the lastest one works out, it’s a charter school (free!) and they offer two full classroom days per week for the enrichment courses, taught by dynamic teachers.  The other three days of the week the parent teaches math and english at home.  This sounds just like what I’ve always wanted, but I’ll have to wait and see if the location is near enough, the curriculum suitable, etc.

 

So, I hope that helps.  And I would like to add that someone else’s choice might be just right for their family, but that doesn’t mean, necessarily, that it’s right for you.  And the Lord has all of these children in His hand and His plans for them will be carried out if we are faithful to OUR OWN calling and the choices we make from there.

Please read my comment, too.

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home life mothering my children my thoughts

Family trauma and abundant blessings

November 18, 2008 – 4:29 pm

 

We had an eventful weekend, here are the details of an interesting happening that occurred on Saturday.  For those of you who aren’t acquainted with my family, Sid is my husband, Jonny is our 7 year-old son, Aveline is our 4 1/2 year-old daughter and June is our almost 18 month-old daughter.  Oh yeah, and I have a phobia of hospital interiors.  

 

It was late morning and I was making coffee and pulling an apple and pear cobbler type thing out of the oven to cool.  Sid was in and out of the house doing yard work and such.  We both happened to be in the kitchen when we heard a thud in the living room.  I started in there before the crying even began and found June had overturned my rocking chair.  She had been standing up on it rocking and it fell all the way back. She had been holding on to the head rest while rocking and when the chair hit the floor her left hand’s index and middle fingertips were smashed between the head rest and the floor.  All I saw was a ton of blood and I was worried it was coming from her head or face, I immediately screamed to Sid in my panic voice and he rushed to us, grabbed her and ran her to the kitchen to rinse her hand in the sink to better view and assess the damage.  All he said was, “We’re going to the hospital.”  Then he returned to the bloody mess, I stood behind him and asked trepidaciously, “Is there something missing that we’re supposed to be looking for?”  He looked toward me and said, “Her fingertips . . . Oh . . . there they are.”  And he reached passed me to scrape them off of the back of the rocker!?!?!  

 

All of us, including Jonny and Aveline were totally panicked.  Sid went white, Jonny ran down into the orchard and wouldn’t answer when we called for him.  He told me later that he freaked out and ran down there telling himself, “I can’t live here anymore, I’m gonna have to go live in the wild.”  That’s exactly what I think I want to do when something that scary happens, actually.  Aveline was buckled into her carseat as we were rounding up Jonny and she kept declaring loudly, “I hate my life!  I hate my life!”  It was chaos!  We were barely hanging on.  On the way to the E.R., I held June on my lap in the passenger seat, with a towel and ice wrapped over her fingers.  I was panicking and queasy, I told Sid I didn’t think I as okay, he reminded me to pray.  I breathed as I prayed the Jesus prayer and peace washed over me.  Soon I was freaked out again, but much better off than before.  Jesus is so faithful.

 

At the hospital, I waited outside in the sunshine, Santa Ana winds and wildfire smoke with Jonny and Aveline and Sid took Junie in.  We were praying and talking and Jonny kept saying, “Let’s not talk about June anymore, it gives me the wiener chills and butterflies in my stomach.”  Ha ha!  I love it!  He kept trying to talk about Ben 10 or something to change the subject and Aveline kept saying that we needed to talk about June only.  I kept going silent and then coming back with a, “Huh?” whenever I was asked a question.  Surprisingly, Uncle Ryan arrived at the hospital!  Sid had called his mom and told her what happened, but she thought he said that Jenn’s fingers were cut off, so Aunt Hannah and the cousins had been crying, praying for me!  Funny. I swear I felt it!  Jonny and Aveline liked the idea of getting to go home with Uncle Ryan to play with their cousins.  Soon after they left, Sid’s mom arrived.  She went in to June’s exam room and then came to give me the update.  The news was that when a child is that little, it’s very likely that the fingers will grow back very well on their own, and the nails, too and there’s a good chance that in five years you’ll never be able to tell it happened!!  That was such good news, no stitches and a great prognosis!  So they cleaned her wounds and bandaged them.  Sid told me that June had gone in and out of sleeping and was very calm, sweet and smart in the exam room.  Barbara and I went in at the very end when the paperwork was taking way too long.  They were just finishing up and as we walked out all the guy nurses were waving saying, “Bye, June!”  I thought of how much they must have enjoyed treating her, just as I do, daily . . . hourly, maybe, and it is my joy.

I cannot describe how wonderful it was to come home with my recovering baby and just chill and snuggle.  The treat I had baked was here waiting for us and we enjoyed it together.   

So, she has the cutest little bandaged hand now.  When people ask what happened I tell them that she had some information the mafia wanted and she wouldn’t talk!  She hasn’t complained of pain, except when Sid changed the dressing yesterday.  Even then, she’d just pull her thumb out of her mouth and say, “Ooowww,” with the sweetest little frown you’ve ever seen.  Then she’d get her thumb going again and bury her face, eyes closed into Sid’s shoulder.  She treats her left hand like normal, using it to eat and play and pull herself up.

 

Sid and I have been renewed in our energy toward our children and our daily, monstrous workloads.  We’re a little more comfortable with letting things slide a little, having been reminded of what’s really important.  Sid even joked about us having two more kids, yesterday!  That is so not like him, and I’m sure he’s still sure that that’s not what we want, unless he wins the lottery.  He doesn’t want to have to work so much if we’re going to keep growing our family.  I don’t blame him, I’m the lucky one, getting to be with them all the time.  Seems like it will be a little easier talking him into one more baby, when June’s 4, though, yay!

Should I address my decision to stay outside of the hospital as my little nursling suffered inside?  Sure.  I thought that I could really lose it in there and Sid rules in medical settings, literally, he keeps the personnel on their toes with his extensive knowledge and intuitive understanding of microbiology, the skin, healing, drug treatments, etc.  I slip into my compliant mode in medical settings, due to the unusual amount of stress I’m under in doing the incredible mental work it takes for me to be able to cope with just being there.  Also, Sid is always looking for ways to strengthen his bond with June, this was a fine opportunity for him to do that.  After Jonny and Aveline left, I did go through and intense time in the ring, true me vs. false me, with false me beating true me using uppercuts such as “bad mom” and left hooks like “wuss” and “how could you?”  Then a magical thing happened, true me came back with a vengeance and knocked out false me with the most powerful punch . . . grace.  I let myself off the hook.  False me was defeated and hasn’t been around much since then!  Praise God!  I know that the future holds more time that I’ll have to spend inside a hospital and that things far more traumatic than Saturday’s are bound to occur, but I also know Jesus will be faithful then as He was Saturday and I think that I’ll be strong enough to do what I need to do for myself or my loved one in that situation.

 

Thanks for reading!

 

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thoughts of others

A great letter

November 7, 2008 – 7:49 pm

I’m a fan of letters, letterwriting and letter receiving.  My friend, Salina wrote me the following letter after reading my daddy’s Reflexions.  She permitted me to share her letter here, it has such an encouraging, enlightened message, I think.  I was touched by it.  Thank you, Salina.

Jennifer,

Wow, your dad has such wisdom and insight that is so helpful to me.  After reading your dad’s insights, some of my own wrestling came to better understanding.  Here are my thoughts after reading the Reflections from your dad Number 93 “The Better to See You WIth” and “The Outsiders”.

After hours of pouring my heart out, discussing my pain, my thoughts, my hopes, my fears with someone I hardly knew, I received the greatest compliment of my life.  The simple words 
“I THINK THAT YOU ARE GREAT!”.   Who me? The introverted, eccentric, intense and complicated woman, I thought with a huge smile that filled me with a glow that lasted for weeks. Years of feeling my false self slipped away to feeling beautiful, alive and rejuvenated.  How is it so easy and simple?  Someone listened, understood, and choose to accept my beauty. 

Another moment of profound beauty comes to mind.   A stranger comes up to be at the park in the midst of many people and she says “I am going to give you a hug, because you need it; I don’t know why, but I know you need it”.  My heart slows down and a new breath emerges.  And I think “I do need it”.  She knew something I did not even see myself.

Sometimes the lack of being understood seems to make us reach for complexity, to become angry, to become negative and to loose faith and thus selfishness,  justice and narcissism seem to prevail. In that state we stay negative, addicted, stressed and angry.   Once loved, appreciated, and truly understood,  life feels easier and things seem less complicated.  It is amazing what a simple  “I’m sorry”, “Thank you”, “I Appreciate You” or “I think you are great” can do to a person’s soul.  One autistic man at a party can make 20 people smile by merely asking their name, showing interest in their special dates, and saying “I Love You”.  How do the rest of us miss this simplicity? 

Some of the most beautiful people I have met have such a rough exterior and are so misunderstood but are able to give much understanding and love with little to no effort. Religious people often lack of understanding or empathy for pain.  Are we afraid if we embrace it, it will be our pain?  Sometimes true  understanding and wisdom comes from experiencing the “Thorn in the Side” or as the Black Crowes put it “Thorn in my Pride”.  Sometimes wounded souls meet and without much effort; They Understand.    In most other’s circumstances it takes years or a lifetime of growing, learning to listen, speaking our mind  and maybe some understanding will come.  What clouds the purity to understand another?  Social cues?  Perceptions of how we think we “should” act?  Fear of rejection? 

As Chuck states in his insights, the Gentile woman is described as having faith.  She does not have fear of the people around her.  She love’s the Lord and has faith that He will hear her.  The prostitute Mary is not interested in social cues.  She weeps with emotion at Jesus’ feet because she is so in love with Him that she can’t help but, honor and love Him in front of everyone.  As Chuck states, the men close to Jesus appear to have little faith.  Their perceptions of how they “should” serve the Lord clouds them from understanding of how to show love, humility and loyalty.  Mary’s simple heartfelt actions of weeping and washing Jesus’s feet makes a huge statement to the Lord and everyone around her. But, before she showed Him her love, He loved her.  And, would not accept her false self, but rather her beautiful, innocent, and simply compassionate heart.  
     As I am inspired by the thoughtful writing of Chuck Smith Jr., I think,  If only I could see what the Lord sees; If only I could have faith in the Lord, myself and others;  If only I could see my true self through God’s eyes. Then, maybe I would truly understand how to be a woman of much “faith” and “love”, and the Lord would smile because my true self that He has always seen, would be unveiled. And the Lord may say “Salina, you got it”!  Then maybe I could learn to be interested in other’s names and special dates; Then maybe I could put more effort in saying “I’m Sorry”; “Thank You”; “I Appreciate You”;  “I Love You” and maybe I could give a stranger a hug because I feel “They just need it”.   

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home life my children

Halloween fun!

November 5, 2008 – 8:12 pm

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