Monthly Archives: February 2008

contemplative mothering home life my children my thoughts

Izumi and the orange harvest

February 25, 2008 – 11:19 am

We have an orange tree, well a few actually.  But one was ready for harvesting a couple of days ago.  Also, my wonderful friend, Izumi was visiting from Japan.  Aveline thought it would be fun to pick oranges with Izumi.  She was right!

 

After we picked the oranges and brought them in, Izumi said that orange peel in good for the skin.  She said you slice it up and put the pieces in the bath and soak in it and that it smells nice, too.  She was right!

 

I had the nicest soak in the tub with my sliced orange peel.  I even began to feel a tingle on my skin that made me think it might be imparting a radiant glow!  I don’t know if it did, but my skin does feel soft.  I definitely recommend the experience (especially while praying the Jesus Prayer!  See my blog category ‘contemplative mothering’).  And if you need oranges, come to my house, I have a plethora. . .

 

see . . .

oranges.jpg 

 

 

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How The Alchemist Taught Me to be a Better Wife

February 24, 2008 – 12:03 am

 

How The Alchemist Taught Me to be a Better Wife

 

 

I really am astonished at the changes the ideas in this book encouraged in my life!  Here I will write about how it showed me, by example, how to better love Sid, my husband.

 

The main character in The Alchemist is a shepherd boy.  When we meet him we learn of a woman who he has been thinking about ever since he had a good, long conversation with her a year earlier.  He is looking forward to arriving in her village again in just a few days.  Before he gets there, he decides to sell his sheep and pursue his treasure, his “Personal Legend” in Egypt, rather than continue on in the life he knows.

 

A couple of years into his journey, he meets another woman, his twin soul.  I don’t think he would have recognized her as such, at least we (the reader) might not have, had he/we not had the first woman to contrast her by.  The twin soul lives in an oasis town in the middle of the desert in Egypt.  She is “a woman of the desert.”  Her name is Fatima.  She and the shepherd boy know from the first time they look at each other that they love each other, that they are twin souls.  Care to have your socks knocked off?  No sooner than they express their love for one another, does Fatima bid him farewell as he embarks on the next leg of his journey!   Neither of them sought to satisfy their own self through their love.  They don’t spend hours talking, they don’t kiss, they don’t fish for the other to point out their own wonderful qualities or describe their physical beauty.  

 

This is altogether a foreign concept to us modern day Americans, isn’t it?  Loving someone without seeking to have our own needs met through them?  That does not compute, don’t we seek to have love in our lives so that we won’t be alone, so that we feel loved, so that we receive validation for the way we live our lives?  I’m ashamed of myself!  I feel that I have not truly expressed my love for Sid!  I have verbally, but I now realize how little that really means.

 

Okay, back on track, each lover has faith that they will be together again, but the shepherd’s treasure (which is the symbol of God’s will for his life) takes priority not only in his own life, but in Fatima’s life, as well.  She sends him off on his journey without burdening him in any way, besides the burden he may feel just wanting to be with her.  She wants to support his mission, above her desire to be near him.  Wow.  Here’s a quote from my favorite poet, Rainer Maria Rilke:

“Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest of human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.” 

 

If I truly love Sid, then why do I live as though my needs are more important than his mission?  Okay, so maybe I could argue that out-of-town tattoo conventions (. . . with buddies . . . in OUR motorhome . . . leaving me behind with three young children and a flat tire), don’t seem to get him one iota of a millimeter closer to God’s will for his life!  But who am I to even attempt to guess at how God works in Sid’s life?  Or how He might use Sid in the lives of others?  I have to let him go.  I have to let him go.  

 

So, lately I have been longing and striving to live out my love for Sid.  To love the distance between us, to succeed in seeing his whole against the sky.  To encourage his pursuits, to assist him in all the ways that I can.  Of course, I have already blown it!  But the life-giving thing that has happened is that in trying to be Sid’s “woman of the desert,” striving to view his distant, whole individual, I have begun to feel my love for him in new ways.  He’s so beautiful!!

 

Why did it take me 11 years of marriage to get to this point?!  Because I’m selfish.  I wanted our love to serve me, to meet my needs.  I refuse to blame that entirely on our culture, but I do think it played a role.

 

Can I really do this?  Here’s a breakdown of my goals for how I want to be as a wife.

    

  • one who encourages and adores Sid’s Sid-ness.
  • one who does not seek to consume Sid’s gifts, but rather seeks to find ways to nurture them, to multiply them, that they may bless others.
  • one who responsibly holds things together at home, loving and teaching our children to the best of my understanding and ability, with a good attitude.
  • one who spends Sid’s earnings in a manner that expresses my acknowledgment and appreciation of the effort and sacrifice required of him to bring home those earnings.
  • one who releases her desire and attempts to own Sid, hopefully eliminating destructive jealousy.
  • one who gives Sid liberty to carry out his life as he pleases without giving unnecessary, burdensome questioning, judgment or criticism.
  • one who praises God for the man that Sid is, thanking Him for His gift of Sid in my life as a sign of His unconditional and eternal love for me.
  • one who prays and encourages that the good in Sid be preserved, while accepting, yet never dwelling on what might not be good.
  • one who is committed to seeking the Lord in continuing to learn and practice being a better wife, companion, friend, mother . . . ah, what the heck?  Better housekeeper and cook, too!

 

I still can’t believe that I got so much from that darn book!!  Are you convinced, yet?  You need to read The Alchemist.  Anyone up for a reading club?

 

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art contemplative mothering mothering my thoughts

my sea, my orchard (a poem)

February 11, 2008 – 6:33 pm

When I was a girl, I dwelled near the sea
I went to him always and always, he spoke to me.

Among other things he said, “Jennifer, you’re a special girl . . .
“To always come, sit, stare and think of the world.

“I hope that as you grow, you don’t forget the time
“You have spent here and that I’ve imparted to you a clear mind.

“When life hit me hard and I had to come to understand
Things that girls don’t normally ponder, offhand,

I would go to the sea, think hard and he’d listen,
Then he’d lovingly, wisely answer in each ripple’s glisten.

In parting, I would thank him, always wishing to stay,
But having too many things to do, force myself away.

Now I have grown and am the mother of three,
Only occasionally are we likely to visit the sea.

Though, always in my children I perceive that the sea
Imparts to them clear minds, just as he did for me!

I do wish to again dwell near to the sea,
But the love of my life has bestowed upon me

A home and an acre including a fruit orchard!
So to my orchard I now go, when life hits me hard.

Today, as I meandered through the quietude of the trees,
Once again, Hark! I heard the sea speak to me!

He said, “Jennifer I am here, now among your trees
“For God has relocated me away from the seas,

“He asked me where on Earth I would like to dwell
“And I answered, ‘Near Jennifer Lord, to see that she’s well . . .

“‘She can’t come to me lately and I have from You, new replies
“‘For just the thoughts and concerns that plague her special mind.

“‘Lord, permit me to go to her and live among her trees
“‘And again impart the clear mind that for her work, she needs!’

“The Lord said, ‘Alright, it shall be done . . .
“‘But how can We guarantee to the orchard she will come?’

“I said, ‘Ah Lord, I think I have just the trick,
“‘It’s the Ruby-throated Hummingbird’s glimmer she can’t resist.

“‘I’ll call an Archilochus colubris into her sight
“‘Each time she approaches, she’ll see it as a sign.

“‘Suspecting that whenever she comes she’ll perceive
“‘A metallic Ruby throat, I believe she’ll not wish to leave.

“‘Then as she tarries You can answer the cry of her heart,
“‘Through me and from Your Way she’ll never wish to part.’”

And so then, I am told, my Good Shepherd bade my sea, “Go,
“Jennifer will be blessed in her orchard, it shall be so.” 

rubies.jpgrubythroat.jpg 

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contemplative mothering home life my thoughts

contemplative mothering series #1

February 10, 2008 – 12:24 am

I’m really excited to start this series of blogs.  This is a topic that has been on my heart lately, well actually, the contemplative life has been attractive to me ever since I learned what it was.  Some of you may be asking, “What is the contemplative life?” Allow me to sidestep my own meager understanding and ask the expert.

Here’s the dictionary’s answer:
contemplative |kənˈtemplətiv|adjectiveexpressing or involving prolonged thought : she regarded me with a contemplative eye.• involving or given to deep silent prayer or religious meditation :contemplative knowledge of God.nouna person whose life is devoted primarily to prayer, esp. in a monastery or convent.

The contemplative life involves such things as solitude, quietude, prayer, meditation, work and service and worship, all of this is done in order that the doer can better seek God.

Having always been attracted to this way of living, I am now finding myself desperate to bring elements of it into my daily life, as a mother and homemaker.  Raising my three children attachment-style is becoming increasingly challenging.  Every single day I find myself, my character tested.  I have been weighed and found wanting!  Not only my character, but my mind, my heart, my soul, my capabilities, everything Jennifer comes into question. What more can I give up to make peace?  What must I cling to for sanity? Where is God in all of this?  

Two years ago I read the book Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger and thus I was introduced to the Orthodox Christian tradition of the The Jesus Prayer.  Around the same time I began an intense struggle with anxiety and my dad advised me to pray The Jesus Prayer!  It was so coincidental that I could not imagine that God was not weaving this life-giving practice into the tapestry of my life (don’t you just live for that?).  My dad had picked up the prayer from a monk at a hermitage he visited on occasion.

Here’s how The Jesus Prayer goes, “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.”  And then repeat it as many times as you possibly can.  My dad gave the added suggestion of inhaling as your mind speaks the first portion of the phrase, then exhaling as your mind speaks the latter portion (it’s important that you speak it in your mind and not aloud while praying it with your breathing, otherwise . . .  Well, just try it and you’ll see why).  It can be quite calming.  So then, as you continue (and continue, and continue, ad infinitum) you are bound to be distracted, if not by outside forces, then by the ever more powerful inner forces.  As this occurs, allow the interruptions, but as soon as you recognize that is what they are, release them and return to the prayer.

The other day I decided to do this as I folded a ginormous pile of laundry.  It was as if I’d had a massage when I was done!  Well, not quite, but it was very calming and centering. So, I decided to do it again as I loaded the dishwasher (I’m an avid pre-rinser which offers me a little more time than a non-pre-rinser might spend).  After doing so I felt I was brought at least into alignment with my Lord (my goal is to get into His presence).  I had again luxuriated in the experience so much that the next morning I decided to say the prayer all through my shower.  

I will continue to pray The Jesus Prayer in my daily life, won’t you join me?

In each one of this series of blogs I will introduce a new spiritual practice, monastic idea, person, story, portion of scripture, meditation, or otherwise inspired something to help you find your way to seeking God in your home, while continuing to love and nurture your family and perform all of your household duties.  I doubt you’ll benefit from or enjoy this nearly as much as I, but I hope you will, nonetheless!  

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my children

jail-heart

February 6, 2008 – 11:35 pm

jail-heart

 

Last night Barbara (my mother-in-law) came over for a visit.  While she was here, in the kitchen, Aveline approached her and said something to the effect of, “Hey Bamma (Grandma), remember when you had a hurt foot? . . . And you had to wear a boot to walk?”  Barb and I looked at each other, astonished.  She had had surgery and used a walking boot during her recovery.  “When was that?” I asked.  Barb answered, “The last time I wore the boot was almost exactly two years ago.”  That would put Aveline at all of 1 1/2 years old at that time.  I didn’t believe that Aveline just spontaneously remembered that, according to my day to day experience with her, it is highly improbable.  I asked Barbara if she had mentioned it to her recently, she said no.  

So today, I brought it up and asked Aveline if maybe her cousins had been talking about grandma’s boot at the party on Sunday — Or if she had spotted a photo somewhere depicting grandma in her boot.  “No,” Aveline answered, “I just remembered it . . . It was in my mind.  It was floating around and I just babbed (grabbed) it and I moobed (moved) it, I moobed it with my heart-hand into my jail-heart and locked it up so it wouldn’t get away.”  She even knows right where her jail-heart is, she showed me, it’s near her regular heart, but higher and more to her left.  I told her I think that I have one, too and I wonder if mine is in the same spot as hers.  She said, “Mom, could you tell me stories from when you were a little girl?”  “Sure baby, let me just find the key to my jail-heart.”

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I don’t know . . . this is a freestyle blog. Though I’ll probably end up mentioning The Alchemist.

February 6, 2008 – 12:14 am

Yes . . . yes I shall.  The Alchemist.  I read it.  All of it.  As I read it I tried very, very hard to reject it’s premise for two reasons, 1.) I did not want to have to start thinking about my dreams, after effectively suppressing them for about two years now (much longer for some), and 2.) I’m always wanting to think that I’m a special sort of person that is only utterly inspired by a special sort of literature, NOT by the literature that has inspired millions and millions of people, including various celebrities.

So there.  I didn’t want to like it, yet I read it at every opportunity, and finished it within three days.  I know that’s not that fast for many, but for me in my current overwhelmed state, wondering if I will end up like Britney soon, that was fast.   

Even after I finished it, I kept wanting NOT to like it.  But it’s ideas were lingering.  Two mainly.  And then on Sunday I had one of the best conversations in the history of my life. Seriously, you know you remember some of the best of YOUR life, this was one of mine.  Of the various topics covered . . . The Alchemist.  

My conversation mate has read the book and had recommended it to me.  She has such insight, into me, into the book, into relationships, into life.  She helped me to admit that I liked the book.  She made it feel okay to like it.  And we discussed the two ideas that were so stuck with me (there was a third, but I have to leave it out . . .).

Idea #1  We all have a Personal Legend (this is the same as God’s will for our lives in the book, but more importantly, in my life) that we are responsible to pursue, otherwise the omens will give up on us, no longer directing our way.  Are the omens like the Holy Spirit?  I have so much more thinking to do.

Idea #2  We should listen to our hearts.  I’ll just have to quote the book here.

“”My heart is a traitor,” the boy said to the alchemist, when they had paused to rest the horses.  ”It doesn’t want me to go on.”

“That makes sense,” the alchemist answered.  ”Naturally it’s afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you’ve won.”

“Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?”

“Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet.  Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you’re thinking about life and about the world.”

“You mean, I should listen, even if it’s treasonous?”

“Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly.  If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you.  Because you’ll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them.  You will never be able to escape from your heart.  So it’s better to listen to what it has to say.  That way you’ll never have to fear an unanticipated blow.”" 

I would love to hear stories about how this part of the book effected other people.  What does that mean?  Goodness, it means that I need to rent a hydraulic excavator to get through the suppression to the bottom of my heart.  I suspect this happens to many a mother.  Many a committed mother, many a busy working mother.  Many women in general.  Many people! What am I thinking?  How many people listen to their hearts and then act responsibly, maintaining their commitments and pursuing their dreams?  I don’t know, I’d like to know. It seems paradoxical, doesn’t it? I’m now convinced it’s not and what liberty that notion suggests!

So, that is what I plan to do, listen to and know my heart while caring for, loving and educating my children.  I think this will be the key to the shift in balance I’ve been needing (remember when I earlier mentioned relating to Britney?).  I’m stoked. I feel a learning occurring.  And that learning is the kind that will change the way I see myself, my family and my world.  

All this brought about by The Alchemist???  I’m so ordinary!

I wish I could ask for thoughts on this, but nobody reads this darn thing.  

Prove me wrong?  

Please?  

Pretty please?  

I dare you!  

I’ll pay you!  (in homemade lip balm)

By the way, I’ve experienced the “treasonous blows” of the heart before, they suck.  That’s why I’m persuaded to open the doors to Paolo!  Crazy?  Britney-esque?

Maybe next blog I’ll write about how I feel like I learned how to truly love my husband from The Alchemist.

Love, Jennifer   

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