A letter to a friend about panic disorder.
January 10th, 2008 by Jennifer
Ugh. First of all, I’m so sorry. That’s a bummer.
I would like to think that my worst bout with anxiety was a post-partum thing (I’ve actually struggled with mild anxiety attacks on and off since probably 2nd grade). It started in the few months before Aveline turned 1, so technically, I was still post-partum. And then after 8-ish months, I was much better, no meds.
I don’t even know what part of my experience is worth sharing. I guess I’ll just answer your question. I didn’t stop having anxiety attacks (I prefer this term because I’ve never really believed that I was going to die during one and many people I talk to who have “panic attacks” think they’re going to die during them), but the degree of them lessened to such a point that I am no longer so influenced by them. I am able to notice the heart racing, notice the sudden urges to flee to the outdoors (preferably the beach or an area with lots of trees, a river or stream would be awesome, but are never handy!), and occasional surges of terror and simply pray and move on to the next moment. It doesn’t go away, but I can sort of, really uncomfortably, live with it. I liken it to John Nash’s delusions in the movie, A Beautiful Mind. He learned to live with them. I do have far fewer triggers now than I did when it was at it’s worst, this has been one of the single things that has had a very positive impact on my life.
Like you, I tend to do better when Sid and my kiddies are around me.Please feel encouraged to send any more questions about this my way. I was much helped by a writing friend at the time when I thought I was destined to either become agoraphobic or live the rest of my life in a hospital.
This is one of those topics that I love to ponder and write about and I would love to go into more detail, if you’re interested. My abnormal psychology fascinates me, in other words, my brain fascinates itself.
Love, Jennifer
Posted in my thoughts
January 14th, 2008 at 8:24 am
thank you for sharing my husband tends to have them as well
his legs will kick back in forth at night and sometimes he gets jumpy right in the middle of a dream.
also sometimes it affects his vision for a bit if he eats it gets better.
also i think i get something ..not sure if they are anxiety but sure they are i wake up at 2 am and start thinking toooo much way too much or 4, or 5 or sometimes see every hour and try to figure it out
June 25th, 2008 at 5:33 am
was this part of our correspondence? i remember asking you about them, but i don’t remember an answer (my myspace has been goofy, anyway). neither here nor there, really – but i am encouraged by your response here. mine have subsided significantly. now when they come on, i wonder what is causing it – not like before when it was at every moment, but especially when i was feeling the pressure to do EVERYTHING better than anyone (not because of vanity, but because i was taught to perform at “excellent” at all times). now i relax and i try to do most things…to the best of my ability, given the time, energy and resources i have. life is better.