letter to a friend on tandem nursing

Hey!  

I’m happy to hear from you.  It was neat talking that day and I had hoped that we’d get in touch again sometime, so cool!

I would definitely say that you are NOT in for hell on earth if you decide to nurse two at the same time.  One great thing about it is that all the crazy complications that can occur with nursing a newborn are simply not a concern since you’re already nursing.

Tandem nursing is a lot like the other attachment behaviors we take part in with our babies and children in that we make the choice to do it and then dive into it.  Usually we enjoy the bond we are fostering, but every once in a while we might think, “Goodness, this is intense.”  And then the thought passes and we go on engaging in attachment behaviors (sometimes simply because we have already established them and it’s easier to go on with them than to even begin to consider reprogramming our children for a less attached life!) and enjoying a very deep relationship with our children!

I think that if we dwell on the intensity of losing ourselves (our time, our comfort, an “easier” existence) for our children that’s when attachment parenting can feel tedious or “hellish.” 

For me, I didn’t want to wean Jonny during my pregnancy with Aveline and I never had a good reason to wean him, so I didn’t.  When Aveline was 6 months old, I was influenced to wean him by the thought and suggestion from outside sources, that num-nums was his pacifier, simply an addiction, not a need or even a positive attachment behavior.  So, I do wish I had allowed him to wean himself, even though he did well with weaning at that time.

I think it’s so great that your are willing even to consider tandem nursing.  Our society does not provide the education or the encouragement to enjoy these wonderful possibilities for our families and it’s a shame.  I like to create a community for me in my head!  I like to think of all the women all over the world and throughout history who nursed their babies and shared sleep with their babies out of necessity, tradition or habit without having to decide whether or not it was right for their family.  I’m encouraged by the thought that it is natural and that our bodies will “tell” us if it isn’t good for us (or for the older child, as with Aveline, do you remember that I had to wean her when I was pregnant with June, since my colostrum came early and gave her diarrhea?).  

We live in such a funny time, today in this country, that these are choices that people are largely choosing NOT to enjoy.  Modern day Americans want everything, AND we want everything ON OUR TERMS.  What if parents were educated by their families and communities about an enormous, yet gentle and gradual transformation our minds and spirits would undergo when we decided to bring children into the world, and that our transformation would be necessary in order for us to give our children what they deserve?  What if we were taught that our children have a RIGHT to all of ourselves and our resources, to the BEST of our ability to give?  I wish we were encouraged in these ideas by outside sources, but I think that our children teach us this, if we respect them and listen.

You might like to read the message board on www.mothering.com  go to their website, click discuss and you’ll find a breastfeeding section and I think there’s a tandem nursing subsection.  

Let me know if you need other resources, or anything else.  

Go Ron Paul!

Love,

Jenn